Saturday, May 7, 2016
CRAIG EDWARD KELSO, Haters
Chances are you have a few people in your world who do not exactly appreciate your worth.
That's fair enough.
If your world is lollipops and rainbows, chances are even better you're a child who believes nothing, does nothing, and is of little consequence.
I am hated, and there is just no getting around it.
Some hate me for what I've done to them, and it is solely on me to make amends (if I am so inclined). I have never purposely tried to hurt anyone my entire adult life. Honestly. And by hurt, I mean emotionally. I dislike having this impact on a person. Nine times out of ten I'll confront them and attempt to right the situation. It's that 10th time, not being able to reach them or they not wanting anything to do with me ... that saddens me.
Still others hate me due to my past. This is the most curious kind of hatred.
I am often reminded of the power of media. Man, you really won't understand just how much people trust media outlets until you're on the dark side of a story. The average consumer tends to skim, and not really pay attention to the gaps in a given piece.
Be it at a job or a family friend, to this very day strange charges bubble up. I'll usually hear it third hand, "Well, he did try to kill his ex wife." What the fuck! Read, bitches, read. No, no, no. I've never tried to kill anyone. "Oh, well, he attacked a student!" That really gets to me. There wasn't an attack of any kind.
At least hate me for the right reasons.
The media also introduces certain phrases, labels, impossible to get from out under until I am one on one with a person who has only read or heard about me.
I cannot recount the number of times I've heard chest beating and thumping about me from folks I've never met, only to eventually meet them and then have them cower right in front of me. What happened to the badass threats? Amazing.
The best way to confront haters, no matter your personal situation, is to not lie. Don't embellish. Talk with them. Force them to confront their conception of you. This means allowing them room to continue hating you -- reread that sentence because it is so important. You have to let people come to their own conclusions. You have to stop being invested in what others think.
By not fibbing or dancing around an issue, admitting to whatever it is about yourself people have come to find objectionable, the hater has decidedly less to work with. There isn't any way a hater will come around if you lie about your past. I don't mean you must be candid about everything -- it's never anyone's business. But if someone doesn't like you for a specific reason, one you're aware of, I find it better to own the past.
Conversation, in my case at least, almost always works. Taking people away from hysteria and gossip, forcing the hater to deal with only the facts will, again almost always, lessen the hate.
Lastly, do not give-in to the hater mentality. Wish people well. Invest in everyone's success. Root for them. It's not hard. It's not like you have to force yourself to do it. It's exciting to watch others do well. I learn a lot from successful people.
By not hating, you instantly begin to develop empathy. You'll see people fucking wreck their lives through marriages, relationships generally, bad financial decisions, drug use, and worse ... and you'll begin to remember the not-so-great plays you've made in your own life. You'll want to be the friend who is simply there. You'll want to just listen. You'll be more inclined to make a phone call, fire off a note of support, something to let them know however horrible things seem now they'll eventually work themselves out.
Not hating should become a pillar in your personal creed. It should be guarded against. You're too busy living your own life. You're too busy focusing upon the goals you have. And when someone succeeds, life all around is made better. If someone fails, you have an idea of that pain, a pain you wouldn't wish upon anyone.
And I mean it.