I finally know what love is.
I’ve thought it’d come to me at various points in my
life, at various times.
And in a way, it had.
There was physical love. Friendship love. There was
intellectual love. Parental love.
But all of it was practice, as it turns out – practice
for what we’ve wound up doing.
These were forms I appreciated at the time, and I look
back on them with sincere gratitude. They had their time, their places. They
made a certain kind of sense. I regret nothing about them.
For me, it has taken decades to understand love.
I learned love first from my mother. She modeled for me
how to be attentive, compassionate, empathetic. She dedicated herself to the
project of raising me, and while everyone else can be the judge of how well she
did, … no one can doubt her commitment.
I found loving stories from authors, novels. Hugo
probably captures the innocence of love best. He certainly words it well in any
event. His characters sacrificed a great deal for their passions, and it didn’t
always end for the best. The sensual nature of love is what Hugo taught me. He
made sure to insist love’s expression must contain a roaring passion.
It was harder to find practical, everyday examples of
romantic love. They were either convenient loves, loves of step-taking, and
they often lacked the completeness of my mother’s example and the fantastic
drama of Hugo’s fictional love.
I was able to, however, find romantic examples in two
rather unorthodox examples: Concha’s parents and LPoS’s relationship with The
Muffin.
You’ll meet them. These couples have that Hugo passion.
They have my mother’s dedication.
Concha’s parents, Nance and Mark, both escaped previous
marriages. They too cobbled together an unconventional family. They’ve been
married for something like 30-plus years. They’ve built a successful life
together, vacationing all over the world. They still hold hands. They entertain
friends and family. They’re uber affectionate. They also act as balances to one
another. She can be abrasive, quick at emotion. He is calm, thoughtful, slow to
react, giving much thought. They lead full, complete lives … together. He is a
tinkerer. She is always creating. When he was diagnosed with cancer, she was
there to comfort and aid him. They’re the example I have longed to recreate
nearly my entire adult life.
LPoS and The Muffin are more than two decades off the
pace of Concha’s parents, but they’re also admirable for similar reasons. As
you’ll learn, LPoS has a motor always running. She works. She runs her own business.
She has a very active social life. She attends college. The Muffin is way laid
back. He is a Zen master. I’ve watched them together. When LPoS gets riled up,
huffing and puffing about some subject, it is The Muffin who brings her home,
softly, to a gentler tone. They can do nearly everything together: movies,
travel, friends. And it was The Muffin who held LPoS together when her life
took some rather unexpected turns a few years ago. Through it all, they get
stronger.
It won’t be easy, but we’re going to be that example of
love, Myra.
Our story is like no other. That’s an easy line to say.
But no other two people will ever meet this way, our way, ever again. The
number of events that had to happen to bring us together simply cannot be
repeated. The probability is astronomical.
You came to me like a dream. And I immediately fell in
love with your strength. I adored your laugh. It was an instant feeling, one I
have never had before.
It scared the fuck out of me.
I was terrified of it. I pretty much was, at the time we
began speaking, resigned to being single. I didn’t mind it so much. I just
figured it would be that way. A significant part of me thought it best. I enjoy
solitude, and I don’t need a steady gal.
At least that’s what I believed.
Until you.
The more we spoke, the more you opened up to me, sharing
with me, confiding in me, relating your hopes and dreams, your failures and
successes, the more I began to understand a life without you wouldn’t make any
sense at all.
And then something else happened.
It dawned on me I have always needed you. It occurred to
me the missing aspect of my life was not having you in it. That truly was
something I’ve never felt previously with anyone. Women come and go, and I’ve
been lucky enough to know some wonderful babes. But I could always see a life
without them.
Not you.
When we didn’t speak for a tiny amount of time, I’d miss
you. When we finally spoke at the end of a long day, I’d lament not having been
around you to experience whatever mundane stuff you were doing in godforsaken
Bakersfield.
You weren’t just a chick I was interested in. You quickly
became a part of me, and I distinctly remember having physical pain at the
thought of not being with you.
Something more happened.
I saw a future with you. I saw our family. I could
imagine us building a life. This is a lot harder to explain, honestly. But I’d
never been able to do that before, either. That was totally new. Totally
different. It was frightening and exhilarating all at the same time.
And here I am now, ceremonially marrying you. Committing
to you.
What a ride.
We’ve spent a year planning, rearranging our lives.
Preparing. We’ve built a solid foundation, a real scaffolding on which to
construct a love unparalleled in romantic literature or experienced by any two
people.
I am ready.
And I mean it.
*
Craig Edward Kelso is the author of Anarcho-Capitalism (2014),
a primer on the philosophy of peaceful, stateless cooperation. His
curriculum vitae include a Bachelor of Arts in Political Science from
San Diego State University, and a Post-Baccalaureate secondary education
credential in both Social Science and English Language Arts. Kelso
taught for nearly a decade in the American public school system, and was
voted by colleagues Teacher of the Year, twice in his short tenure,
earning numerous accolades from chambers of commerce, mayors, state
assembly persons, governors, congresspersons, senators, and even
Wal-Mart. Currently he struggles to earn an opportunity to be employed,
working as a laborer, dishwasher. He is deliriously happily married to
Myra Kelso, living in Southern California with their adorable children.
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