Saturday, April 12, 2014


I love gays.

I can’t state it any more plainly than that. Homos. Queers. Lesbos. Fudge packers. Clam bumpers.

I love them all. A lot.

I’ve had homosexual friends my entire life, some overtly gay, others not-so-much. To a person, they’re much, much smarter than breeders – my kind. To a person, they’re incredibly creative. Something about a chick eating pussy or a dude pounding another dude in the ass brings out greatness in literature, music, painting, and so much more.

I adore drag queens. RuPaul is a genius.

Any objection to their orientation or lifestyles is fundamentally retarded. They’re insanely wonderful parents. They’re life-partners of the first order, and committed gay couples I’ve known have shined far above most hetero marriages and relationships I’ve witnessed.

Gay dominated neighborhoods are the best.

When I lived a year in Mission Hills, an old money neighborhood in San Diego tucked between downtown proper and the notoriously gay village, Hillcrest, I routinely made my way to its bars, cafes, galleries, restaurants, discos.

Where hetero communities are obsessed with cops and rules and tattling on one another, faggotropolises are meccas of diversity (KELSO LAW 8479852: No dude, hetero or homo, is ever truly racist – a hot chick, or hot dude in the case of a gay fool, is a hot a chick or a hot a dude and therefor fuckable no matter her or his ethnicity … our dicks tell the truth about racism’s impossibility), paragons of free association, and such life-affirming areas in every city around the world.

I honestly don’t really remember all that much, but one of my earliest sexual experiences might have been homosexual. I must’ve blocked it out. I really cannot remember particulars. But I think the first time I ever ejaculated was at the hand of another boy my age, somewhere around 9 or 10. It was more mechanical than anything, probably. There wasn’t any romance. Motherfucker didn’t even buy me flowers or promise to love me. Sleeping bags were involved. That’s all I can summon from my memory.

I hadn’t had cause to think about it until many years later. Some long-ago forgotten girlfriend was railing against homos, and it just erupted out of me, Hey, I think I might have had a gay experience! She shut up fast. But my interest in dudes just wasn’t there ultimately. I am a flaming hetero, and I have been for as long as I could articulate my preference. Guys are fucking disgusting. But, at least as a child, I didn’t see anything wrong with a hand job from a friend.

So why the sharing of parts of my life you never, ever needed to know?

I want it to be clear to any reader forever I’ve nothing but love and deep affection for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgenders, and fans of Rise Against (is there a worse, more cliché-driven band on the planet?).

Love. Affection. Yep.



News of late has some dancing in the streets after courts and a state governor caved-in to forcing private businesses to do the bidding of an increasingly powerful gay lobby.

The 1964 Civil Rights Act (CRA) started what now amounts to our modern legislative nonsense.

The logic runs along the lines of private businesses opening their doors to the public, benefitting from municipal, state, federal services (roads, bridges, water, electricity, fire, police, etc.), and since ethnic minority groups also contribute to the payment for such services, by way of taxation, private businesses who make use of police protection, interstate highways, roads, and so on are obligated to serve everyone.

And the logic I am with, to a degree.

Certainly government services cannot be denied to anyone who pays. Never. Ever. Not for any reason.

But what the CRA actually did do was start a snowball effect, essentially taking the notion of government discrimination, which is the only time it can be truly discrimination in the legal sense, and blanket over the prime right of association.

It’s impossible for businesses not to use government services when the services in question are monopolized by fiat, by legislation, and enforced through the barrel of the state’s gun.

There is no crime in being homophobic. There is no crime in being racist. There is no crime in refusing to allow Christians to rent a room in your house. There is no crime in preferring the hiring of Jews over African-Americans.

While I disagree with all of the above phobias, ists, isms, and preferences in my personal life, I find it despicable and a far greater evil to force a religious person, a racist, or a bigot to work or provide a good or service to someone whom they’d prefer to have no dealings.

It’s a kind of slavery, and it doesn’t change anyone’s mind. All running to a third-party, middle entity, government, does is solidify, fortify for the religious nut or the bigot their ultimate bias. It makes brave and heroic gays and lesbians look little, weak, petty. Oh, you won’t bake me a cake! I am telling! I will use armies and guns to shut you down! It’s an obnoxious way to live, and besides the practical (my opinion of it not working at a deeper level) is irrelevant: private business is exactly that, PRIVATE.

It ain’t yours.

Step the fuck off.

Make your own goddamn cake. Take your own fucking pictures.

The people who’ve been denied a job, fired, blocked from participating in activities they loved have found ever creative ways around gatekeepers. They’re social engineers in the hacker tradition, finding workarounds. They do it themselves, most times. They do not give up or give in.

They also don’t use their plight to embolden and make greater cause for more police buffoonery. Gays and lesbians ought to know better than most how quickly all that power they’re giving over to the state can turn, and turn in awful ways.

New laws. New bureaus of compliance. New enforcement officers. New fines. More courts.

It’s clear who the winner is when people who’re slighted run to the state for a redress of their grievances, and it’s not the aggrieved.

It’s the state.

Boycotts? Yes, go for it. Put the word out how that dude in Arizona won’t bake a cake for your gay wedding (and is there anything gayer than baking cakes!). I won’t buy from them. Fuck those idiots. Let me know about the photographer in New Mexico who objects to lesbianism (HOW could anyone not love lesbians!). I won’t allow such businesses to snap pictures of my beautiful face.

But leave the cops out of it.

Cops, judges, and the many, many departments leeching through them and into your bank account and everyday life are not the answer. Government enforcers are useless parasites who cannot find suitable employment in the private sector. They instead suck off productive peoples, attempting to run producers’ lives.

Governments USE gays, lesbians, the poor, women, African-Americans, other ethnic minorities, wars on drugs, terrorist threats, and whatever else they can as an excuse to metastasize, enlarging their jurisdictions into all sectors of civil discourse and society.

Starve them by refusing to cede your concerns to such agencies. Solve your own problems by ignoring the greater evil of governmentalism.  

In a sane world, ideas like appealing to governments would be attacked from the bushes, dragged to a bathtub, given a merciful drowning, and then a triumphant throwing of government's limp carcass into the nearest wood chipper.

Be done with this idea. Force isn’t the way.

No one stopped their racist ways because a politician signed a piece of paper and took credit for saving the world. Not one person in the history of human civilization has ever thought, Well, now that the government made sodomy legal, I will like it!

What has converted hearts is the love and generosity of the gay ethos, not laws.

Corporate greed was an early gay rights adopter, way out in front of Obama robots rushing-in at the final hour to claim victory in its name. People who worked with gays and lesbians, who were introduced to them privately, at parties, within their families, quickly understood their humanity, their courage, and their isolating societal torture.

Private businesses were the very first to offer gays contracts allowing them to claim partners on health benefits. They were the first to cater to gay-only festivals, nights, and parties.

On the other hand, governments were also involved in firsts with gay rights. Governments were the first to openly discriminate against gays, preventing them legally from adopting, from marrying, from holding joint bank accounts, and governments were the first to beat them to a bloody pulp (remember, police are only doing their jobs).

So, my Streisand-loving gays, my dykes on bikes, don’t become bullies after having been bullied yourselves for so many years. Instead, reveal what you are: lovers. Live your lives in enclaves of your making. Continue to produce wonders in the world of art, commerce, science, letters. Better everyone’s life by existing in pure enjoyment.

But leave governments to the brutes, to the macho gun-toting assholes.

Don’t give governments the satisfaction of any moral high ground in your name.

And I mean it.

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